Cat Shorts


When Agnes moved in, she had never been in the great outdoors.  At the feed store they kept her inside because of the busy highway running in front of the store.  We had Agnes about a month before getting her ready for the big adventure.  I had a plan for making her an indoor and outdoor kitty.  I will be projecting what Agnes felt and saw as she entered a new maybe dangerous cycle of her life.


Holy cats!  Did I fall into cat paradise?  Let me tell you about my new place.  First, it is huge and I can run from one end of the place to the other end of the place and I do love to zoom.  My humans call it Home but I call it heaven.  The floors are wood and I can turn, swerve, jump, stop without sliding into a wall or furniture.  By the way, I am learning all these words from my Humans as they talk to each other.  They think I don't understand, but I do.  I am now bilingual - cat and human.  I learn more human everyday.  They call me Agnes, whatever that means.  I make them feel good every now and then by looking at them when they say "Agnes".  It makes them so happy.  I never ever walk over to them when they say "Agnes". We have to have some boundaries.

The food and water comes twice a day.  Always some good fresh water in my bowl and are you ready for this - wet food and dry food every single day!  I wish my mom could see me now.  They even have a huge box that I visit every now and then to make a deposit or two if you know what I mean.  My humans even clean it out every day.  Pull my tail!  I must be dreaming.

My house mate cat is Vera.  She is much older but still cool.  We get along just fine. I noticed when I first arrived, she would disappear for long periods of time.  I wondered where she went and one morning I was looking out one of the windows and I saw her on the other side of the window.  How did she get there?  I started looking around for a way to get out there with her, but I could not figure it out until I happened to see my big human open the door and let Vera in.  Duh, that must be the way she gets out. So the next time I saw the door opening, I slinked up to it and checked the smells coming in the door.  Wow! So many smells, so little time.  So, now every time the door was opened, I checked out the smells and inched closer to the door for a better smelling position.  When I started getting too close to the door, the human would say "Back" and stick his foot in my face.  Seems like they don't want me to know what is on the other side of the door.

I heard them talking about "Outdoor" and I figured out that's what they call the other side of the door.  My humans were worried about me getting out to the Outdoor and I overheard them talking about getting me Outdoors safely. They seemed to be worried about me running away or getting lost in the Outdoors.  Why would I run away from Paradise? I just do not understand them sometime. Anyway, they started hatching a plan to get me on the other side of the door

The next day my big human cornered me and picked me up.  I am not crazy about being picked up and I went all stiff to let him know I was not happy.  Then he opened the door and stepped  into the Outdoors.  Holy Catnip, I was surprised and suddenly being in his arms was not a bad idea.  The light, the sounds, and the smells all hit me like the first time I saw a dog. The Outdoors was scary!  I thought very seriously about making a break for the Indoors but the big guy settled me down by talking softly and petting me telling me all the time it was going to be all right.  I relaxed a little, but I was still on mouse alert. 

We moved off the porch and when I looked up, there was nothing but this big blue nothing and lots of green and brown things coming out of the ground.  He explained everything to me as we moved about what he called "The backyard".  The big blue thing was sky, and the green and brown things were trees and grass. There were lots of other things he did not talk about but I figured we would get around to them later or let me figure them out.  I was starting to think maybe this was not a bad place when this huge blue thing zipped by making all kinds of racket.  Tense time again and my tail fluffed but he told me that was a Scrub Jay and it was a bird and I would see lots of different birds in the Outdoors but they were not dangerous.

We had been out for a while and I was getting tired so we headed back indoors.  He put me down on the porch, opened the door and I just walked in like I owned the place. What a day! I moseyed over to Vera and told her what I had done today.  She was not very impressed.  "Come back and talk to me when you have been Outdoors by your self "she said.  By myself! By myself! My tail fluffed again!

Anyway, to make a long, traumatic story short we went out everyday for about a week with me safe in the arms of my human. We walked around and discovered the "front yard" and the "road".  The road is a bad place where bad things happen to not only cats but other animals as well. I was told to stay away from the road in no uncertain terms. A couple of days later my human sat down on the back porch and I scooted down onto his lap.  We sat there for a while looking, smelling and listening to the backyard. He looked down at me and said it was time for me to become and outdoor cat for awhile.  With that, he pushed me out of his lap onto the actual back porch.  Of course, you know what fluffed and I tried to get back onto that wonderful, safe lap. He stood up and there I was, alone on the back porch. I un-fluffed and started walking around the porch not quite ready to go out into the trees and grass with that screeching bird.  We stayed out there for about an hour and he opened the back door and we went inside.

The next day, he just opened the back door and stood there until I walked out onto the porch all by myself!! He came out with me, closed the door and sat down on the porch with me.  Well, after about five minutes, I got tired of staring at him and started exploring the porch.  With us cats, exploring means smelling everything within reach.  I added so many new smells to my brain smell section in the next hour.  When I paused for a moment and looked around, no human! I was outdoors by myself - fluff.  Then I heard the door opening and I headed for the inside. My human was just inside the door.  He had been watching me all the time.  He is so cool! I gave him a great big rub.

Since then I have explored and conquered the back yard and the front yard. Learned about grass, butterflies, lizards, rain, thunder(bad news), and too many things to go into.  I found out those trees are great to climb just for fun or to escape danger.  Thank goodness for trees! Me, Vera, Lucy, George and the next door cat now spend many wonderful hours in the Outdoors. Hey, I highly recommend the Outdoors to any cat.  Thanks to my humans.

PS. We all come into the house before it gets dark.  Lots of dangerous critters out there that are very scary.

Vet Time for Agnes

Agnes here again! The screen is up in the back room and there is a big, nasty looking moth of some kind taunting me. Fluff, pounce, I got em. Wait, something is wrong here. I have declawed but one of my legs is still hanging on the screen and the leg is attached to me. Let me pull back up with my other paw to free myself. Dang, did not work! I am still hanging by one claw from the screen. This is starting to hurt. One more big pull and I should be free. Ow, ow, ow. I am free but most of my claw is still hanging from the screen. Dang, that hurts and I see some blood. That is not good. Blood should be on the inside, not outside. I take a couple of licks on the offending paw and that really hurts. This is not good and my dad ( I started calling my big human “dad”) is not around to help me. It even hurts to walk on my paw. Here I am limping around like a small black and white cripple. This really sucks! I can’t even zoom. It hurts too badly. What is my plan?

The plan is this. When dad gets home, I will limp in front of him and look pitiful. That pitiful look with the big wide eyes always gets his attention.  Finally, dad shows up. Where in cat’s green earth has he been. I’m hurting here. I walk over in front of him with my terrible limp, a small meow and the big eyes. It works! He immediately bends over and picks me up (not crazy about that part but I need this paw fixed). He gently holds my foot and takes a close look at it. When he touches it, I start to squirm and fidget to let him know that does not feel good. He says to mom “She has hurt her foot and I need to take her to the vet”.Oh no! I thought dad could fix the problem and I would be on my merry way. Not the vet!! He made the call and sets up an appointment for the next morning. Maybe it will get well by then. Us cats are known for our quick recuperation times. I will think heal, heal, heal all night.  Nope, did not work. It hurts even more the next morning.

Out comes that poopy cage that he carries us to the vet entombed in. It does no good to run or hide – dad always gets me in the end. He picks me up by the scruff of the neck and slides me into the cage. I hate it in here!  It is small and smells like other cats and stuff too icky to mention. Oh my lion king! We are going outside and getting in that big, noisy metal thing with wheels. Here we go!

We bounce around for about ten minutes and dad lets me know we are at the vet. Oh, goody, goody. Dad turns off the noisy metal thing (he calls it a car, you don’t want to know what I call it) and he comes around and tears me out of the car into really loud sounds coming from the road. He opens the door to the vet’s place, and wow!!! The smells are overwhelming. I have no idea what some of the smells and noises are but they are not calming. Holy Morris the cat, I even smell DOGS and can hear them blathering in the background. We are in kitty Hades. 

We go back to a small, dank room that smells like every animal in the world has been in there. Dad sits me on a small, hard table and we wait. After about five minutes, the other door swings open. Yes, I have been paying attention to escape routes just in case things get really serious.  In walks this new human that I have never seen or smelled before and starts talking to me like she knows me. I am not fooled by her and I know she wants to do something horrible to me. Oh no! Dad is unlocking and opening the top and pulling me out onto that hard, cold surface. All I can do is push up against him and hope for the best.

He talks to me in his good voice and holds me next to him while this other human is trying to poke something up my rear end. Zip, it is in and then it is out. That was really rude. I really do not know what they did, but it seems to make them happy. I don’t have a “temperature” what ever that is. Next, dad lifts me up and puts me down on this big plastic thing and it goes ding also. I weigh seven and one half pounds. So what! Who cares? I sure hope this will be over soon.

Another human shows up. According to dad, he is the “Vet”. He does not look or smell that bad, but you never can tell about humans. He starts petting and rubbing me while he talks to dad. Hey, this is not bad. I start to relax a little. Then bam, I have been picked up by the Vet and taken to another room where I can’t even see or smell dad. They let me smell something and after that things get a little fuzzy. I don’t remember anything until I am back in the room with dad and I have these huge, long feet on me. I can’t even walk without falling over. What have they done to me?

They put me back in the cage and we head back out to the car. The vet gives dad a bunch of instructions about me and what he has to do to me. I am still a little woozy, so I don’t really listen that closely. I am just glad to be getting out of the vet room. I am even a little glad to see the car as dad puts me into the front seat.

 I am so glad to see that house and driveway. Hurry up and get me back into my home. Goody, goody, all the smells and sounds are there along with the fam. I am even glad to see HT. But, these socks have got to go. I can’t walk, I can’t run and I fall down a lot. Dad puts me up in my bed on top of the bookcase in the back bedroom and gives me a big dollop of food and some good fresh water. It is good to be back. 

It took me about two hours to get the socks off and start walking normally. It still hurt a little, but it got better quickly. Of course, there was the medicine. Twice a day dad had to drown me with some evil tasting concoction. He said it would make be better, and who am I to argue with the big guy. In about a week I was all well and zooming again. Life is good again and don’t tell him, but Dad knows what he is doing. I am going to go give him a big rub right now. Zoom!

agnes cat 2